Many people will smile during the day, but cry hot tears once they retreat to their private abodes, once the door is safely locked behind them. Because despite putting up this macho individual for the public, deep inside, they are broken. Because that which they want to change about themselves, is actually what they seem to be doing more and more. Sinking deeper and deeper into it. Nothing can be more frustrating than that.
Some guys will shout loudest at the bar, but instantly transform to timid pussycats when they get home. Because the guilt and the desire to be different is greater when alone. The shouting was to hide or drown the desire to be different. Others will hide behind their pride, convincing themselves that everything is alright. But no one has ever successfully ran away from themselves, and soon the truth will hit home. Half of the hapless drunks and substance addicts in the allay, actually hate the situation they are in. They wish things were different, that they were living sober, focused lives. Others are sitting somewhere with their 'buddies' in a strip club, smoking Shisha to look trendy, but would give anything to be home with their kids. The habit keeps having its way. Later, frustrations set in and performance spirals downwards. They are struggling inside, but they look alright to the normal observer. I don't have an antidote for that. I don't have a solution either. But i do have my take on how to break free.
Learn To Hate The Habit.
Let's get something straight here. Those things you hold dear to you , you keep them close. You can only break free of a habit if you learn to despise it. I don't care what psychologists and columnists say in unison but, hate it and you wont keep it much longer. Focus on how its held you down, how long its taken advantage of you. Internalize that and blame your Grandmas little spat with her goat on it. Blame the global warming on it, even Manchester United's awful home record. Blame all your financial woes on it and counsel yourself that minus the habit, it would be smooth sailing for you all the way to the pearly gates. Because its actually true. If you've made it this far with the baggage on your shoulders, imagine how fast and far you'll run without it. You can't keep holding on to something that dreadful. What your spirit lets go, its gone for good. And your spirit is too clean to cling on to a dumpsite, when it has the option of playing in a flower garden.
Identify The Trigger Points.
Every habit or addiction has its 'trigger points'. These have to be the things or situations that the brain associate with a certain pattern or behavioral change. That's why the school teacher will be all composed and collected until he visits the Sacco offices, then all drunk demons will pay him a visit. Whether he's going for his pay or not, he'll hit the bar immediately afterwards. Identify your trigger points and go for alternatives. Its murky here, but its worth a try. Is it that T.V channel or is it that intrusive little thought that the adversary sneaks in like a dart. Or is it that thing that someone says to you, that gets to you so bad, it sends you on a binge. Treat these trigger points as your adversary. Nurture an enmity with them, steer clear off them. Skip the T.V channel, avoid that website. Because you are the evidence that every time you visit it, regrets follow. Walk to the football playground at the exact moment that demands you visit that dingy den, where they sell you froth you can't see. Ignore that inviting text, switch off the damn phone if you have to. Whatever you do, this one day, do things differently. Its one day at a time, victory is on the way.
Think Positive.
See yourself free. Envision the joy of freedom, for that's where you are headed. Even if no one else on the planet has ever kicked your kind of addiction, worry not. You will be the first. No two men are exactly alike. No one has ever meant it like you do, no one has ever had your kind of resolve. Oscar Pistorius, the double-amputee sprinter without the murder case, has nothing on you. You've owned up to your pitfalls. That makes you a winner. So you are on your way, and nothing in the world is going to stop you. Internalize those kind of thoughts, own them even.
Learn To Hate The Habit.
Let's get something straight here. Those things you hold dear to you , you keep them close. You can only break free of a habit if you learn to despise it. I don't care what psychologists and columnists say in unison but, hate it and you wont keep it much longer. Focus on how its held you down, how long its taken advantage of you. Internalize that and blame your Grandmas little spat with her goat on it. Blame the global warming on it, even Manchester United's awful home record. Blame all your financial woes on it and counsel yourself that minus the habit, it would be smooth sailing for you all the way to the pearly gates. Because its actually true. If you've made it this far with the baggage on your shoulders, imagine how fast and far you'll run without it. You can't keep holding on to something that dreadful. What your spirit lets go, its gone for good. And your spirit is too clean to cling on to a dumpsite, when it has the option of playing in a flower garden.
Identify The Trigger Points.
Every habit or addiction has its 'trigger points'. These have to be the things or situations that the brain associate with a certain pattern or behavioral change. That's why the school teacher will be all composed and collected until he visits the Sacco offices, then all drunk demons will pay him a visit. Whether he's going for his pay or not, he'll hit the bar immediately afterwards. Identify your trigger points and go for alternatives. Its murky here, but its worth a try. Is it that T.V channel or is it that intrusive little thought that the adversary sneaks in like a dart. Or is it that thing that someone says to you, that gets to you so bad, it sends you on a binge. Treat these trigger points as your adversary. Nurture an enmity with them, steer clear off them. Skip the T.V channel, avoid that website. Because you are the evidence that every time you visit it, regrets follow. Walk to the football playground at the exact moment that demands you visit that dingy den, where they sell you froth you can't see. Ignore that inviting text, switch off the damn phone if you have to. Whatever you do, this one day, do things differently. Its one day at a time, victory is on the way.
Think Positive.
See yourself free. Envision the joy of freedom, for that's where you are headed. Even if no one else on the planet has ever kicked your kind of addiction, worry not. You will be the first. No two men are exactly alike. No one has ever meant it like you do, no one has ever had your kind of resolve. Oscar Pistorius, the double-amputee sprinter without the murder case, has nothing on you. You've owned up to your pitfalls. That makes you a winner. So you are on your way, and nothing in the world is going to stop you. Internalize those kind of thoughts, own them even.
How the next guy tried and failed has nothing to do with you. They didn't do it right, you are doing it right. You will not make the mistakes they made. Plus your drive is fiercer and unstoppable. You will go down history books, by re-defining the very word victory. You have special equipment those who failed in the past didn't have. You are unique and unrivaled. Kids will study you in school, drunks will sing songs in praise of you. You've just started a winning streak that no one can touch. See yourself that way. Unparalleled and unmatched.
Ditch The Crowd.
As they say, you are a product of the first five people you hang around with. They hadn't been bribed to say so. It's actually true. So drop those so called 'friends', who keep lighting up when the last thing you want to see, for obvious reasons, is a lit stick of smelly tobacco.. You don't share the same resolve, you aren't headed to the same destination, you have no business to transact. So step.
Ditch The Crowd.
As they say, you are a product of the first five people you hang around with. They hadn't been bribed to say so. It's actually true. So drop those so called 'friends', who keep lighting up when the last thing you want to see, for obvious reasons, is a lit stick of smelly tobacco.. You don't share the same resolve, you aren't headed to the same destination, you have no business to transact. So step.
You can't hang around grossly tattooed outlaws while looking all smooth, clean and 'legal'. At some point, you will succumb to the pressure, and get one tattoo of your own. Before you know it, your mama is asking for her son, while you stand right in front of her, unrecognizable.
If you hang around people who see nothing wrong with sitting in an office, totally unproductive for the whole day,bas they talk about crops they didn't plant, you will be the next nincompoop in a suit and a tie. The salary is not everything. Its about how you are using that which the Lord gave you, to make your contribution to the world. And to give Him glory.
Don't criticize the habit, as you sit in it, with your 'brothers in sin'. For then, you are part of the problem. You are the fuel that makes the fire stronger. Step out, and the fire will subside. Its going to be lonely out there at first, yes. But eventually, others like you will locate you. And you will make a formidable strike force. Then, and only then, will you have located true friendship and companionship. The other kind, was only sustained by the slavery you shared. Once free or if you express a desire to be free, this kind must despise you.
Rediscover Your Hobbies.
God sent no one to the world empty handed. Each of us was equipped with all that was necessary to ensure we lacked nothing in this world. Talents to earn us a living effortlessly were distributed equitably by the wisest being there is and there ever will be. But along the way, the habits and the addictions came and those 'equipments' were effectively buried. Hand the adversary a resounding defeat, by picking up that shovel and scooping all soil off that 'grave'. Its marked, so you can't miss it. You are gifted in it so there's no one else who's quite like you. You are the best. But only if you do it.
Rediscover Your Hobbies.
God sent no one to the world empty handed. Each of us was equipped with all that was necessary to ensure we lacked nothing in this world. Talents to earn us a living effortlessly were distributed equitably by the wisest being there is and there ever will be. But along the way, the habits and the addictions came and those 'equipments' were effectively buried. Hand the adversary a resounding defeat, by picking up that shovel and scooping all soil off that 'grave'. Its marked, so you can't miss it. You are gifted in it so there's no one else who's quite like you. You are the best. But only if you do it.
At exactly the same time you would have joined your friends for a fix of weed, read that book. Follow the news on Sky news, for you always loved current affairs, before the addictions blurred you. Write, if that's what does it for you. Sing all your favorite songs, for you have a great voice and soon you'll prefer singing to gossip. You are a natural. Draw that sketch. Love it. Its what you love doing so who cares if the world takes notice. Do it anyway. Because had you been the only one in the world, you still would have done it. Have fun, pal.Have fun, by rediscovering yourself. And enjoy every moment. For the true owner of your gift, walks before you.
Use Your History To Your Advantage.
Your past reads like the original script of a horror movie, written by a proven psychopath. Fine. Turn it into a stalk reminder of what bad habits can do. Beat your past in its own game. Defeated souls will scoff at your attempts to change and make fun of it. But in actual fact, they are scared of of being one man less, in their escapades.
Use Your History To Your Advantage.
Your past reads like the original script of a horror movie, written by a proven psychopath. Fine. Turn it into a stalk reminder of what bad habits can do. Beat your past in its own game. Defeated souls will scoff at your attempts to change and make fun of it. But in actual fact, they are scared of of being one man less, in their escapades.
They'll say your type can't break free and toast to it, while all along throwing glances at the door, hoping you will troop back, head hung down. Your history has no power to define you, unless you buy the lie. Rwanda's history is genocide and murder of unprecedented proportions. Now as we grapple with tribal numerical counts, that pass for elections, she's turned into a jewel that glows in the dark where nations previously far more prosperous than her, go to learn a few things on good governance.
She was there before us, so she knows better than, say, play around with tribalism and class divisions. She's embraced reconciliation and brotherhood as the way forward. We have a more colorful past than hers. But i wish i could say the same of the future. Your past is defeated and buried. Treat it as so. It failed to put you six feet under when it had a chance. Now you are the one to bury it for good. That alone, calls for celebration.
What a joy!
Act Different.
There are things about you that defined you as your previous character. Eject them physically. If for nothing else, the message this action will pass on to the subconscious mind. Begin by taking down that Tupac Shakur poster you've hang in your room for a decade. Because you are through with 'thug life', this poster is of no use to someone as conscious as you. Throw it into the trashcan, and walk away feeling triumphant. You have a right to feel that way, because you are well on your way. Throw away that C.D. Its of no use now. Go through your ward robe and do away with all those 20 centimeter long dresses, for the unpopular modest skirt suit. Your friends are going to laugh at you. Worry not. They know not your resolve. They think you enjoyed walking around half-naked in sophistication's name, bearing all the cold goose bumps. They have no idea you were living a life you hated,ba life that didn't define who you really are.
Act Different.
There are things about you that defined you as your previous character. Eject them physically. If for nothing else, the message this action will pass on to the subconscious mind. Begin by taking down that Tupac Shakur poster you've hang in your room for a decade. Because you are through with 'thug life', this poster is of no use to someone as conscious as you. Throw it into the trashcan, and walk away feeling triumphant. You have a right to feel that way, because you are well on your way. Throw away that C.D. Its of no use now. Go through your ward robe and do away with all those 20 centimeter long dresses, for the unpopular modest skirt suit. Your friends are going to laugh at you. Worry not. They know not your resolve. They think you enjoyed walking around half-naked in sophistication's name, bearing all the cold goose bumps. They have no idea you were living a life you hated,ba life that didn't define who you really are.
Ignore their gasps and the 'oooh!'s. They are comfortable in it, you are not. Please don't expect them to join you down this road. You made an entry into the world alone, and you'll exit alone. Its all about you now and what's best for you. Time to be you is here. You've lived for them long enough. Its now time to live for you and the one who made you so flawlessly.
If your friends 'don't do church', and you feel inclined to join the church choir, that's alright. They'll think you are making a fool of yourself, dressed in those flowing costumes like you work for the circus group. They'll think you are after the handsome Pastor, if your history is anything to go by. But its your calling, not theirs. They aren't feeling what you're feeling inside, they didn't hear the voice you heard. Somebody actually thinks you sound gorgeous and that's whom you were meant to touch. Your seed is different and special.
As i said i do not have the answers. Or the solutions. I don't even know why i did this. But it feels right. No matter how deep the hole you are in seems, once you begin the uphill climb, rest assured eventually you'll be at the top. That's when you'll realize the uphill struggle was worth every effort. May the good Lord, He who created you free and unburdened, see to it that you get exactly that which you wish for-; Freedom.
As i said i do not have the answers. Or the solutions. I don't even know why i did this. But it feels right. No matter how deep the hole you are in seems, once you begin the uphill climb, rest assured eventually you'll be at the top. That's when you'll realize the uphill struggle was worth every effort. May the good Lord, He who created you free and unburdened, see to it that you get exactly that which you wish for-; Freedom.
Shalom.
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